SECOND RUN: Late to…HEY, where is MY sensei?

A review of Karate Kid

*Originally published September 2011

Prologue by Patrick Matthews, former owner of Screenland Crossroads:

No mercy.

Karate Kid is the first film I saw as a kid to make me feel like I had a chance. If Daniel, this whiny little pissant momma’s boy, could beat some of the coolest guys in town… I guess I could too. Yeah I’ll say it, the Cobra Kai were awesome. If I were the Cobra Kai I would probably kick the shit out of Daniel too. Despite that, Daniel still won me over by the end of the movie and to this day I still can’t really explain why. Perhaps I could never be like a member of the Cobra Kai so I had to settle for being a “Daniel.” Maybe it was because he wore a shower curtain to a costume party or befriended an old Japanese man who cleaned the pools. Whatever the reason, it gave me hope that the little guy could beat the cool kids.

There is nothing groundbreaking about Karate Kid but simply put, it’s one of the best sports movies ever made. Throw in pre-Adventures In Babysitting Elisabeth Shue, Martin Kove hamming it up as John Kreese, an 80’s soundtrack that can’t be beat, and MF’ing William Zabka and you’ve got a true classic.

Young hearts beat fast,
Driving down the road.
Rubber, plastic, metal, glass.
Why did you have to go?
Young hearts die young

On a “WHAT?! You haven’t seen ______???” scale of 1–10 (10 being the highest level of shock, disappointment and sad): I suppose I can give Laura a pass for missing this one growing up since admittedly it IS a “guy” movie at the core. However, since it was recently remade (to this day I still refuse to see it, just like the upcoming Footloose remake) I’m surprised she didn’t seek it out sooner. I hope that it can resonate with Laura like it did me, even if she is watching it at an older age.

Go, find balance.

LTTM review:

When it became time to watch Karate Kid, my friend Annie hadn’t seen it before either so she came over and we watched the movie together. Annie happened to take some incredible notes of statements we made, and they are much more entertaining than any review I could write. So I’ll type those out instead:

Annie:

• Didn’t know “Wax On, Wax Off” was from Karate Kid until Ralph Macchio was on “Dancing with the Stars” and they referred to it constantly.
• Super jealous of the mom’s poncho.
• Are there people in movies named Johnny who aren’t assholes?
• During the date scene, Laura started talking about the movie Fear and the song “Wild Horses” and the scene on the rollercoaster. That doesn’t sound fun.
• Wondering about the “Hare Krishna” joke and how it played in the Midwest in the 1980s.

(and then Annie drew this picture of a girl at the arcade wearing a vest that said ‘Flip Flirt’)

Laura:

• “…Is that a pig having sex with another pig on that guy’s shirt?” (Referencing the ‘Makin Bacon Shirt…and EW.)
• “Oh…BABY Elizabeth Shue.” [Editor’s note: Now I understand why all the boys I know have a crush on Elizabeth Shue. She has, um, large boobs.]
• Thinks Johnny looks like a bigger Draco Malfoy. (Annie: “I think you mean Draco looks like a smaller that guy.”)
• Mr Miyagi: “To make honey, young bee need young flower, not old prune.” Laura: “Gross.”
• Not a fan of sake.
• I love that the end credits show that there was a guy in the role of “Chicken Boy” and a stuntman named Buck McDancer.

Overall, I LOVED the movie (A+++++, would watch again). I’m a sucker for David versus Goliath stories, especially when they star Japanese men who remind me a lot of Yoda. That… and Ralph Macchio is very, very cute. Annie made me watch some DWTS clips after the movie and he looks about as old as he did during the original Karate Kid. Do I watch the second and third movies now? We’ll see!

Facepalm moment: A personal facepalm moment was when I realized that Martin Kove looks like John Travolta (mixed with Patrick Swayze, added Annie). If you don’t know by now, I am VERY anti-John Travolta. Seriously. I won’t watch Pulp Fiction ever. I know, I know, it’s a GREAT movie and I’m REALLY missing out and blah blah blah can’t I JUST THIS ONCE make an exception.

No. I cannot and I will not.

Favorite part: As Patrick mentioned, my favorite part HAS to be the shower curtain costume. I love costumes and that was just brilliant. Also, probably the Makin’ Bacon shirt. Okay, ALL of the fashion from this movie except for Daniel’s plaid shirt and camouflage pants. Tim Gunn would never let you out of his house dressed like that.

The “I missed that in pop culture trivia” moment: Karate Kid is like The Goonies — even if you haven’t seen the movie you know a quote is from the movie. That said, the following Chris Brown lyric jumped out in my head during the movie: “She wax it all off…Mr. Miyagi.”

Regrettable tardiness scale (out of 10): 9 out of 10, mostly because of the freeze-frame on Mr. Miyagi’s face at the end of the movie. I still think that the crane kick by Daniel to win the match should have been in slo-mo. It would’ve been sweet. Otherwise, I really love this movie except for the fact that we are all going to walk around saying “Get him a body bag!” and “Troubles with Johnny?” for the next week or five.